The life of a student consciously and subconsciously revolves around Swami. For a lot of students who are blessed to join Swami’s institutions at a very young age, there is no process of questioning, reasoning before accepting and believing in Him. The joy of simply ‘believing’ finds a young child invoking ‘His Swami’ within, very early in life. The more we pined for His external act of grace, the more we reached out to Him within us, not realizing that the Swami who we reached out to externally, was listening to us from within.

From the time I joined Sri Sathya Sai Vidya Vihar, Nandanvanam, Ooty in 1978, I would pray fervently during every Darshan, “Swami, please talk to me”. I believe that I echo the prayer of every student who has looked up at Swami during Darshan. Whether we were part of the Bhajan group, the Brass Band, Vedam, Drama or Sports teams, it was only to get His physical attention and grace. With an early orientation to Swami’s Bhajans at a young age, I grew up with an inclination towards music and was blessed to be a part of the Music group. The constant fervour for Swami’s physical attention only grew with time until, a few years later, Swami gave an indication that He was all-knowing and talking to Him within me was no different from talking to Him in person.

During the 65^th Birthday celebrations in 1990, a few of the students from Brindavan were getting a Tandav Dance programme ready for the 22^nd November Convocation day. I was a member of the music group from the Brindavan campus, preparing for the Tandav dance. Swami would oversee the preparation and call the group of dancers and a select group of boys from the music group into the interview room in between the Darshan and Bhajan sessions. Swami would point at students individually and direct them into the Interview Room. I eagerly waited to be selected but I found Him overlooking me session after session.

Such apparent ignoring only increased my pining. Although I reached out to the Swami within me, I longed for the physical interaction. This pining led to a lot of silent suffering. I skipped a few meals over a couple of days and spent time in constant prayer hoping He would pick me in the next Darshan session.

The following day, the scene repeated as He ignored me despite all my prayers and pleadings. I then moved to the first row of the Bhajan hall near the Interview Room door, despondently gazing at its doorknob, waiting for it to turn and Swami to come out. After around 45 minutes the door opened, and Swami walked out into the Bhajan hall and stood right in front of me. I extended my hand to hold onto His feet as He kept standing in front of me looking at the people behind me. As I held onto His feet with my hands He began to play with my fingers, gently wiggling His toes. His expression as He looked at the people behind me gave nothing away. He did that for a good 20-30 seconds and went out of the Bhajan hall.

This gesture from Swami left me completely overwhelmed and at the same time repentant that I had come to question Him. It was His manner of saying that He knew what I was going through and that my time would come. The joy in my heart overflowed and the weariness from having skipped two days’ meals was gone as my heart throbbed with the new understanding that I did not have to ask Him for anything. He would give me what I needed.

This incident gave me a lot of inner peace. The silent affirmation that ‘my Swami’ knew, gave me the confidence that He was always there with me. No matter the situation, He would take care of me in the manner most appropriate for me. This understanding has stayed with me ever since and made me a more prepared recipient of His grace.

Swami is the Divine Goldsmith at work and students are like the gold in His hands, constantly treated to a process of melting in order to purify or cooling to shape a character. All of this is done so that we became ideal instruments of choice for His work.

In the sessions that followed, Swami called me along with the rest of the Dance and Music group of students. Swami would pay attention to minute details like the dance steps, expressions, the costume, the song and the music. Like an indulging mother, Swami would distribute cookies and feed the students with His grace in abundance. The merciful Lord added to the students’ reservoir of cherished experiences that they would thrive on for their lifetime.

Arunesh Punetha joined Swamy’s school, Sri Sathya Sai Vidya Vihar, at Ooty in the year 1978. From his early schooling in Ooty till his MBA at the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning, Prasanthi Nilayam (1991-1993), Arunesh has studied in Swamy’s institutions at Parthi and Brindavan. He has also worked at the Sri Sathya Sai Super Specialty Hospital, Prasanthi Gram between 1993-98. He is currently serving as a Regional Director for Narayana Hrudayalaya Ltd, West Region and is based out of Mumbai.