G Srikanth
2002 Prasanthi Nilayam

I can’t but muse over my memories on that fateful day of 24 April 2011. I could easily relate to the feelings of Arjuna as he was returning back to Indraprastha having lost the physical form of his beloved Krishna. His abilities failed him; he could not reciprocate his daring acts and finally faltered in front of a few hunters. And realization slowly dawned on him – all that he achieved was because of the company of the Lord; he was nothing but an instrument in the hands of the Lord. Needless to say, the Pandavas gave up their lives shortly thereafter.

I am sure many of us would have been flooded by similar emotions after 24 April. I certainly was. I felt the life force drained out of me. An eerie emptiness stared at me; life suddenly lost its purpose. But there was a silver line. Dare I say that Bhagawan, in His Sathya Sai avatar, was better prepared than His earlier Krishna avatar! And He also prepared us to face life better than Arjuna. The result was a sudden realization. Swami’s words echoed, “I am with you, in you, around you, above, you, below you guiding and guarding you like the apple of My eyes”. Everything was fairly back to normal. Even now, there are times when I miss His physical presence, but they don’t deter me beyond a sigh.

This sort of sums up what Swami means to us, His students. To me, the relationship that existed between Swami and His students is quite perplexing. He donned multiple roles – loving mother, stern father, uncompromising teacher, fun filled friend, silent listener, and an unfathomable God. Could such a relationship be captured in mere words? Let me try.

On the physical plane, I have had minimal interactions with Him. But most of the times, His silent glance was enough to melt even the hardest of sorrows that gnawed my mind. Every time I sat in the Mandir, I was transported to the times when Lord Shiva, as Dakshinamurthy, taught His disciples. Eyes closed, He was immersed in bliss. There was no visible teaching yet there was complete understanding. And I felt sitting under the silent, yet all-encompassing glance of the Dakshinamurthy of Kali Yuga. It needed no words; even a glance was not required at times! The fact that He is there is sufficient. It comforts me to know that He is there to hear the voice from the deepest recesses of my heart.

My formative years were under His gaze. Whatever I am today is what the Divine Sculptor chiselled out of the formless rock that was. What He means to me is beyond the realms of vocabulary and expression, but there is always a sense of happiness in expressing the inexpressible. He may be the ineffable Lord, but to me, He is my Guru and God.

Brother G Srikanth is based out of Chennai and heads the Finance function of a Microfinance organization. He writes &renders talks on spirituality in his Samithi. During his student days he was part of the band & played trombone & saxophone