It was one of those times when our beloved Swami had decided to wield the stick to teach some things that otherwise was may be too soft to the learning capabilities of the mind. Those were the blessed days when Bhagawan had decided to talk to the audience every single evening. Every evening was a summer shower of His discourse that was keenly listened to by packed audiences who clinged on to the divine gospel. Just as a father would crack the whip when sweet talk does not work, one evening, as we had gone to the mandir for the darshan expecting there would be discourse, we did not see that the stage was set for that. Whispers did its rounds amongst the students that may be Swami was ‘tied up’ with some other ‘engagement’. Little did we realize that His only engagement was with us, to push us closer to our own real selves. The same scene followed for a couple of days and slowly we learnt that Swami was ‘upset’ or so to say, not happy with the boys and he had not even come out to interact even for a few minutes. In fact, He would avoid the entire students block during regular darshan even if it meant walking an extra mile in his path. Little did we realize that in His last discourse, the announcement that discourses would be temporarily stopped as students would need to prepare for their exams, was just a reason externally given to the rest of the audience. I am sure all of you reading this would be able to relate to how such moments usually were – nobody would talk to the other, all attempts to reach out to swami would be in vain, the hostel bore a grim look.
It seemed as though the block in the darshan hall where the students were seated, did not exist for Bhagwan. It was time for introspection. It was time for each one to connect with the Swami inside to take instructions on how to better oneself. The entire hostel had become a ground of penance. Groups of students went on to observe silence until they heard Bhagwan speak. It was in such a surrounding that I decided to write a letter to Swami. I sat down in a corner and wrote a four page letter to swami. I had written the following in the long letter – “Swami, agreed we have done something that has not kept you happy. But, if you choose not to tell us what it is, how would we learn? If you do not correct us, who else would? Wasn’t it a fact that it was also because Arjuna made mistakes that he was given the Bhagvad Gita? Had he not done any, would we have received the Bhagavad Gita? Each one here is like that and we need you to tell us what is right.” Swami was not even coming anywhere close to the boys; Swami picking a letter looked far-fetched.
Like any other day at the time, I had gone for darshan and was seated with little hope that I would hand over the letter to Swami as it had been close to ten days since he had even come anywhere close to the boys. After finishing his interviews with the devotees, all of a sudden Swami came out to the ganesh portico where I was seated and from about four feet away he indicated to me to come forward and hand over the letter to him.
Just as I tried to grab the opportunity to go closer to Him, He strictly stopped me afar and just stretched his hand out to pick the letter. I had no words to say even as this happened and I simply handed over the letter to Swami. He picked the letter and walked into the interview room. Everybody around were wondering as to what was happening but I could see a smile get onto everyone’s face after a real long time. I had just enough time to get back to where I was seated which was like say, 3 to 4 seconds and suddenly there was a hush again.
As I sat down, Swami came straight to me and closed His eyes for a few seconds. He was right in front of me with a serious look and looked down into my eyes and asked “Who is Arjun?” I couldn’t catch it immediately and once again Swami asked loudly “Arjun Kaun Hain?”
As the human mind would have it, I thought Swami is asking for another brother by name Arjun and I started looking out for him from where I was seated, completely forgetting what I had written in the letter. Swami once again very firmly asked “Letter me likha tha na Arjun…Who is that Arjun?”
And then, it struck me like a bolt. It occurred to me that I had written relating the situation to Arjuna in my letter but wondered how Swami had known this out of the 4 page long letter that was with him for about 3 to 4 seconds. Even as I was blinking, I mustered courage to murmur to Swami that all of us are not like Arjuna but if Swami decides not to teach us, from who else can we learn.
All of a sudden I saw the serious face of Swami gleam with joy. A broad smile came onto His face and with a lot of force he patted me on my shoulder saying loud, “Good Boy. Good Boy”. He then said “Karishye Vachanam Thava” and asked me to repeat every word of it after him.
He said it meant “I will do as you say” and that is what Arjuna told Krishna on listening to Him. My joy knew no bounds and as I repeated every word of Karishye Vachanam Thava after Him, a thrill went down my spine. From then on, Swami, wherever he would see me would call me as Arjuna constantly reminding me of the readiness that I needed to be in to do anything that he says.
…Here I am, waiting for you.
This was during Swami’s 75th birthday. The entire atmosphere was upbeat even a month before and Swami had got into the mode of giving and giving and giving much before the 23rd of November. Anybody who came there received something or the other from Swami.
I was fortunate to be a part of the institute’s convocation drama and was practicing my dialogues in the institute auditorium. Those days, Swami used to be generally out for Darshan by around 2:15 or 2:30 PM.
On that day, Swami had come out for Darshan as early as 1:15 PM. Some of us were blessed with the good fortune of arranging and taking stock of so many materials that Swami would distribute to the many assembled.
That afternoon, Swami had sent word for me saying “Call that palm tree”. Now the person who received the instruction wondered which palm tree, as there were quite a few tall students who could be related to palm tree.
A guess was made and another student was sent word for. The student arrived and was waiting to be called by Swami. Swami opened the interview room door, saw this brother and once again said “Call that palm tree” and this time with a lot of urgency.
By the time the news reached me that Swami was asking for me, a good 45 minutes had passed. The moment I heard this, I ran to the hostel like never before and with a quick freshening up, reached the mandir. My heart was skipping a beat at every passing moment. The person who received the instruction whispered to me that “Swami has been asking for you for a long time. You just go inside……and pray all’s well.”
I opened the door and went in to find that the room was empty. Swami was not there. My mind was preparing for answers like “I knew there was work to do but just that I did not know that Swami would come so early and that I was in the institute etc etc etc.”
I walked in to find Swami himself arranging some things. Swami did not say anything to me. He just quietly came back to his chair in the interview room and I followed him wanting to say a sorry. From there he looked at me and said, “It is this body’s 75th birthday. The entire world is waiting for me and here I am, waiting for you.”
The voice was so filled with love that my eyes immediately were brimming with tears on hearing this and I just went forward and knelt down and caught his feet.
As I recall this to share it with you, really my dear friends, He is waiting for wus. Waiting for us to get back to HIM. Waiting for us to get back to our own selves without losing our way.
