Brindavan. 1980. This was and continues to be the biggest turning point in my life…

I did the final years of high school in Mumbai. What was behind my urge to choose Brindavan over any other college or place after my SSC in 1980? Honestly, I don’t know. There was no sudden flash of God’s command, no peer pressure, no role models, no family pressure of any sorts. Nor was I actually or particularly fascinated by the personality of Sathya Sai Baba per se at that time. It was a quick decision. And circumstances applied no friction on that decision.  It just picked up a momentum of its own and deposited me in Swami’s college and hostel in Brindavan after the summer of 1980.

Once I landed there, with just a suitcase and a bedding roll, there was no looking back. The peace and tranquillity were unbelievable – completely different from the hustle and bustle of Mumbai that I had been used to. Not a single day, did I feel homesick. In fact, in my 4 years in Brindavan, and about 8 years later in Parthi, I probably visited my parents only half a dozen times, and only for a few days at best each visit.

I had a fantastic set of teachers, three in particular: the Principal, Prof Narender, who was also a professor in English, the Botany Professor (“Dr Garu” ) as he was popularly known among the students, and our physics teacher, Prof. Sudarshan. These people were as much my gurus during that period as probably Swami himself. I learnt to see Swami and Life itself through many of the filters I acquired from them.  I lived a lot of my time, not in the Hostel, but in the Botany department, sleeping, feasting, fasting, gardening, learning, laughing, crying, and praying along with Dr Garu. He was the one who taught me some “formal” ways of meditation and worship. I also spent a lot of my time in the cattle farm “Gokulam” at Brindavan, preparing the feed for the cattle and occasionally even milking them – although milking cows especially was a skill that eluded me. The buffaloes were a bit easier! 

And then, of course, those unforgettable hours of patiently pining in the “Old Bungalow” compound, waiting for Swami to peep out – even if for just a fleeting second –  from his living room or bedroom windows.

What I treasure most from my learning from these teachers, is not the subject matter of the disciplines that they taught, but what they taught me about life itself, not so much in the classroom, but just by staying together with them. 

I also read and meditated a lot those days – I had always been an avid reader, but here in Brindavan, I had access to a wealth of books and literature on religion, philosophy and great men and women of God – across multiple faiths. A few of what I read have stayed with me and have had lasting impressions on my beliefs, values, ethics – call it what you will:

• “The Gospel of Ramakrishna (Paramahamsa)” – I had almost permanently borrowed this from the library and read and re-read it several times – probably the single biggest influence on me – at that point in time at least.
• God’s Pauper and The Last Temptation – Nikos Kazantzakis
• Dear and Glorious Physician (story of St Luke) and The Great Lion of God (story of St Paul) – Taylor Caldwell
• Siddartha – by Herman Hesse
• Confessions of Augustine
• Writings of Kahlil Gibran – almost blasphemous and heretic for some, but deeply, deeply spiritual for me and it was the same feeling with Nikos Kazantzakis as well
• Writings of Tagore

So getting back to the question – what led me to Baba / Brindavan? It was certainly not a planned move, it happened through a particularly curious set of circumstances and probably guided by the  Unseen Hand. I cannot see any other reason when I look back.

How have Brindavan, Parthi and Swami changed me? 

That my life HAS changed is not in doubt at all. I think at a very fundamental level, I have a sense that “I as a doer” am different from “I as the observer” and different from “I as the one who causes that doing and observing”. Sometimes these 3 identities seem to get confused and merged together and sometimes I can almost see “myself” watching all the three independently! I do think I have become far more contemplative about the purpose of why I am here in this world in the first place. I cannot point to “one thing” through which Swami influenced me. It was, I think, over a period of time (especially the four intense years in Brindavan in particular and the 8+ years that followed later in Parthi), sometimes through very short intense phases of devotion, and sometimes through extended periods of meditative calmness.

The End of Knowledge is Love. The End of Education is Character. – Baba

Dr Ram Ramdas Intermediate and Bachelor’s degree in Brindavan, MSc and PhD in Math. Fuzzy Logic from Prasanthi Nilayam, 1980 – 1990. He served as a lecturer in the DMACS department till 1992. After several years in corporate R&D, he is now a technopreneur.