The first year of my MBA at Parthi was beyond my imagination. Beginning with my first darshan as a student, Swami showered immeasurable love and attention all through my first year. The second year began with a reversal in fortunes. Swami would not speak with me. He would not come anywhere near where I was sitting. I now felt like damaged goods. At first, I didn’t understand what was happening or why it was happening, but then I realized that it was all part of the “treatment” He had planned for me.

Fervent prayers gave way to restless acceptance followed by more prayers. However, as the second and final academic year was ending, I began to panic. The golden opportunity of being a student would soon be over, and with it the privileges too that I had begun to take for granted. Would He never speak with me again? Had He just cast me aside forever? The hard taskmaster that He is, my emotional appeals did not work with Him. I consoled myself with the belief that I was bound by some karmic law to not receive the gift of Sparshan (touch) or Sambhashan (talk) from Him.

But there was still hope. Before Swami left for Brindavan in March towards the end of the academic year, He would usually grant the opportunity for each class to sing songs and get group photographs with Him. I was hoping against hope that He would show some sign that He hadn’t forgotten me. In my heart I had reached a point where I was willing to settle for a loving glance, an acknowledging smile, or even a mere nod! It was the big day and as our turn approached to huddle around Swami for a photograph, my heart raced with anticipation. I was slow off the ground and wasn’t able to secure a place next to Him, where I could take the liberty to hold His hand. Being tall, I had to settle for the last row, with a couple of classmates between me and Swami. While I was excited to be near Him, soon despair set in. It was meant to be a quick huddle which would disperse soon, and Swami had not looked in my direction. Multiple camera flashes blazed, and the front row had begun to move back towards their seats. I wanted to linger and catch His attention. Still no sign from Swami.

As I was about to hesitatingly follow my classmates back to our places in the darshan lines, it happened! I felt a tug at my hand. I was startled at first but was absolutely thrilled as I realized that Swami had extended His hand to hold mine in a firm grasp. He didn’t look at me, but kept holding my hand. My classmates were all gone, and the next class was now huddling around Him for their photographs. He didn’t leave my hand until after this second class was also done. It was a clear sign that He wanted me there standing next to Him.

I glided back to my place after the second huddle, giddy with excitement and overflowing with joy. He had finally responded to my prayers in His own charming way. There was nothing said but a message had been conveyed. As I replayed the sweet memory in my mind again and again, it began to dawn upon me that with His kind gesture Swami had provided me with the assurance of a lifetime, probably many lifetimes that He is always with me. If we pray fervently, He will be beside us, holding our hand. He will find a unique way to bring joy to our heart, there is just no reason to despair.

In the eighteen years since this incident, His unseen hand has held and steadied me, helping me navigate myriad situations that we usually term “difficult”, with relative ease. Whenever I tend to despair, the memory of this incident is enough to provide strength to hold on to Him, knowing well that He will respond at the right moment, in a manner of His choosing, not usually of my asking!

I pray that we all hold on to Him firmly, even in our most difficult moments, and that He blesses us, so we never lose sight of Him, or His boundless love and compassion, even momentarily. The memory of His name is our single most precious gift that we carry with us.

Amit Ahuja MBA, 2000 – 2002, Prasanthi Nilayam. Currently a senior director in a global technology services firm, in Maryland, US. He is actively involved in SSE and seva activities at the local Sai center.