Dr Sunam Gyamtso
Where do I really begin to narrate my most memorable experience with the Lord of the Universe? I am at my wit’s end. All my sisters and brothers who had enjoyed the privilege of being students in His Institution would agree with me that every single moment that we spent in His Presence is “precious and memorable”. This thought gains more profundity as we journey on the wings of time to unknown destinations in quest of living, only to return home to Prashanti Nilayam year after year in the hope of rediscovering our moorings. Of the myriad magical moments with the Master, I have selected just a few here to share with my fellow compatriots.
August 1978
I have just joined the Pre-University course here in Brindavanam in His College. Gurupoornima has just been celebrated in the campus and the hostel while Beloved Bhagawan was away in Prashanti Nilayam. I have been selected by our esteemed lecturers-in-charge of music as a Bhajan singer and have also made my debut in the college assembly as a singer, which was quite appreciated by all. This morning I had one of the most thrilling experiences of my life. As we were partaking our breakfast, I was shaken up by a thunderous quaking sound made by the students running from all quarters of the hostel towards the main entrance. I too left my plate and ran along with my fellow brothers to be greeted by a most beautiful spectacle. Beloved Bhagawan’s car had just parked in front of the entrance door and our revered warden Sri E. Sudarshan kneeling down through the open car door was being blessed with His Padanamaskaram. As he straightened up Beloved Bhagawan playfully held him by his nose and queried – “are things well with you people?” Even as the blessed warden sir replied “Yes Bhagawan”, I could see tears in his eyes. Beloved Bhagawan lovingly patted his cheeks and promising to visit us in the evening, headed for His residence “the bungalow”. This first experience of devotional spontaneity left me dumbfounded. I remember vividly the thought that crossed my mind there and then – “He must be GOD to be so devoutly served and accepted by a person as great as Sri E. Sudarshan”.
Such was the veneration that we all Brindavanites had for not only the warden but every other teacher and senior in the hostel. What baffled me most at that time as much as it does now is the subtle level to which His students were and are still attuned to Him. As though galvanized by some intuitive urge or an instinct that seemed to be all the time focused on Him, His boys ran after Him to catch up with His pace – to walk by His side – to be loved and pampered by Him – to be with Him all the time. Has it not been declared in the scriptures that God is one who attracts all? In the days that followed I got used to the unfolding of this phenomenon.
Having been born in a Buddhist family following the Vajrayana Tradition of Tibetan Buddhism, I seemed to have no faith in this creed as much as in any religious system. The reason being that once when I was studying in the 10th standard, I happened to visit the Dharma Chakra Centre in Rumtek in Eastern Sikkim, bastion of the Karma Kagyudpa School of Buddhism where His Holiness the 16th Gyalwa Karmapa venerated by millions as a living Buddha resided. I was with fellow students and teachers to participate in a Vajra Mukuta ceremony that was famed to grant liberation to anyone seeing it even once. Later after the ceremony, I had espied some monks ferrying lunch trays containing non-vegetarian cuisine to the inner sanctum. On my query as to how could Buddhist monks supposed to be adhered to the principles of non-violence eat meat and thereby increase the demand on animal slaughter? One of the senior monks casually told me that the dead animal was lucky enough to be delivered to the realms of heaven having been eaten by spiritual masters. This really put me off the track. The rationalist in me argued that any rich person who could easily afford the price of the Vajra Mukuta could reserve his seat in heaven and eternally leaving the poor in the lurch. To top this was this abominable faith of the monk in a master who appeared to satiate his desire for mundane pleasures quoting religious sanction and authority. Since then I had never been at peace with myself.
September 1978
Only a few Gokulam cow boys were in the Safe Room this morning as most of the boys had left for the college. I was indisposed and on leave. The fact of the matter was that I have been crestfallen and confused. Here I am being groomed up in a spiritually charged environment. Yet I know that I am a total agnostic as far as religion is concerned. Suddenly the Lord emerged from the interview room located on the other side of the safe room and gestured from the door to come. Once inside the interview room, He asked me “Kayeko castor oil face”. Looking at His Feet and kneeling down in front of Him I broke down and asked Him whether I was a naastika for not having faith in the Buddhist creed or any religious system. And then my hairs stood on end when I heard the Master utter these words in my native tongue Lho Kyad – “Listen to me child” – “only those who are adepts in the Mahamudra can fathom the exalted stature of the Karmapa.” I was transfixed. He continued telling me about the Mahamudra for quite sometime in Hindi, which completely failed to understand. I asked Him _ “Mujhe Kuch Bhi Samajh Nahin Aa Raahaa Hai.” He simply replied – “If you are a pupil studying in the first standard, will you even try to read a book pertaining to the Master’s level? Your manner of adjudging the Karmapa and the Buddhist creed on the basis of your puerile experience and understanding is such. To understand the Karmapa you must first reach his spiritual eminence”. All of a sudden I felt so relieved and lighthearted. The web of confusion was removed from my mind by the Lord in a trice. Even as I write this page, I can feel the elation warming up my entire being.
About a decade following this experience, I was delving into Buddhist texts and primary source material of all genres for my doctoral research in esoteric Buddhism. I was studying the translated and original texts of the Mahamudra Tantra juxtaposing them to Tantras pertaining to the other schools of Buddhism, especially the Mahasampannakrama Tantra known in Tibetan as Dzogpa Chenpo. Then realization struck me that the Lord in His Omniscience had then initiated me into the Mahamudra Tantra and also willed that I should study the very roots of my creed. Granting me a PhD degree was only incidental in His scheme designed for me.
His boys would throng the hallowed precincts of the Bungalow right from the break of day. While the days were filled with academics, the evenings promised delightful surprises, impromptu programs that usually ended with Bhajans whilst He installed Himself on the Throne placed near the inner door of the vestibule. The manner in which He kept time on a pair of cymbals or talam during the Bhajan is ever etched in the memory of every Brindavanite.
July 1979
Day 1
Once again our patient wait has been amply rewarded with the Lord’s beautiful darshan. Boys are all over the foreground of His Bungalow standing beneath the tall Ashoka trees – seated on the concrete bench beside the portico or the stone bench near the compound gate or any vantage place. As He emerges from the front door of His Bungalow, we all rush towards Him and crowd around the portico for a glimpse of the Divine. The privileged music boys are ushered in first by the Lord to be seated around His throne – a swivel chair placed near the arch dividing the vestibule and the inner chamber. The rest of the boys enter the hallowed precincts and spread across the hall without hampering the elderly devotees who are already seated there. The Lord looks at Sri Rambrahmam Garu and with a sparkle in His eyes instructs in Telugu – “Hmmm! You can open the curtain now” and with a small chuckle adds “He has been yearning to see his beloved wife paapam” to which we all laugh in unsullied mirth. Sri Rambrahmam Garu quickly goes inside to unveil the curtain behind which the ladies mostly wives and relatives of the senior devotees, have been waiting for hours for this sacred moment. This is the signature that the evening’s tryst with our Beloved Lord has begun. This evening as He rested the Talam on the arm of His throne, suggestive of the end of the session, I mentally prayed to Him – “Bhagawan one more Bhajan please”. He looked at me instantly and gestured that I could sing, as though He had read my innermost thoughts. Unfortunately I took this as a coincidence.
Day 2
I qualified my prayer further– “please Bhagawan I want to sing Nandalala Nandalala Nacho Nacho Nandalala”. In a flash He looked into my eyes and quietly articulated the words “Nandalala” while nodding His Divine consent for me to sing the Bhajan. I was in tears out of penitence for having tested His omniscience and still being a recipient of His unfailing Grace that bolstered my faith in Him million fold.
What followed in the course of my stay in Brindavan and even after I joined the Post Graduate course in Prashanti Nilayam were sequel to more spontaneous outflow of His Omniscience expressed in terms of devotional music.
September 30, 1979
We were flushed with excitement about the forthcoming Navarathri Celebrations in Prashanti Nilayam. Our warden Mr. E. Sudarshan had told me that Bhagawan had selected me to be one among the speakers in a Forum of Religions program during the celebrations. I felt dizzy with joy and fear since I had never before addressed such a vast concourse of people as would be expected in Prashanti Nilayam. As per Beloved Bhagawan’s instructions, I was specially tutored by our esteemed warden in person. I was asked to first draft a speech on the essence of the Buddha’s Doctrine as juxtaposed to Bhagawan’s Universal Teachings. Many seniors and veterans in the art of public speaking assisted me. When the script was ready, I was made to rehearse along with four other brothers representing four major religions in the presence of Mr. Sudarshan and other lecturers. No sooner we arrived in Prashanti Nilayam, beloved Bhagawan enquired about our progress and forthwith called us in for demonstrating our oratory skill. I developed a sore throat and cough that appeared chronic. I had been commanded by the Lord to end my speech with a devotional song that spoke of Unity of all faiths. Just a couple of days before the event, I was able to communicate only in squeaks and whispers. All of a sudden my temperature began soaring up. I prayed to Beloved Bhagawan soon after the dress rehearsal, to help me. Bhagawan smiled and asked me to wear a Buddhist monk’s robe while speaking just as my other brothers would be wearing their respective apparels. Then Bhagawan looked at Mr. Sudarshan and said – “Papam he is getting too scared. Take him to Dr. Alreza. That is where people with lesser faith should go”. The doctor intravenously administered a high doze of tetracycline and said that by evening I would be singing. Despite all the medication and innumerable saline gargling, my malady turned for the worse. Mr. Kamal Sahney, my favorite teacher and a splendid orator himself, advised me to regard the crowd as a mass of humanity utterly ignorant about the subject of my speech. Even such encouraging words did little to free me of my anxiety at the impending trial. Just a day before the event, Bhagawan commanded Swami Karuyananda, a blessed soul who had dedicated his life to Beloved Bhagawan, to lend me his ‘jhuba’, a long robe-like shirt that might be the right size for me. I tried it on and immediately resembled a scarecrow. Beloved Bhagawan walked into the greenroom at the backstage of the Poornachandra Auditorium. “Kya ra dry fish! Kaisa dikhta hai?” dry fish – what a description of poor me? My ego hurt like never before while all those around laughed at my expense. The compassionate Master quickly looked at me and soothingly said – “dry fish not selfish nahin?” and then He added – “fish is better then selfish – fish pond ko saaf rakhta hai – selfish society ko ganda karta hai” meaning fishes keep the waters clean while selfish people pollute the entire environment wherever they are. I heaved a sigh of relief. Then He looked at me again and said that the robe did not fit me well. He asked me to drape myself in Swami Karunyananda’s dhoti and shawl. He asked me to remove my spectacle and quipped – “Now that is better – you cannot see the audience and so no more tension”. He commanded me to comb back my hair till I looked almost bald from the front. The talk event would be on the evening of the jhoola ceremony followed by our music concert.
The hour of reckoning arrived swiftly and there I was lurking behind the stage curtains listening to my predecessors thundering away their speeches. Soon I heard Sandeep Shastri express the final words of his speech. Our esteemed principal Professor D. Narendra thrust a huge flower garland in my hands and pushed me ‘overboard’. Draped in the yellow robe I stumbled towards the Lord to offer the garland and found Him standing and waiting for me with a beautiful smile. He accepted the garland and raised His lotus hands in benediction. I faced the audience and concentrated on the opening phrases of my speech. After the introductory part, I could not remember a word to my utter despair and horror. I prayed and almost broke down. There was a sudden movement by my side and then I saw the Lord standing once again and offering me water in His silver tumbler. I was so nervous that I hurriedly took it from His Hands and didn’t even realize handing it back to Him after drinking the nectar!
There was a thunderous applause from the audience for no achievement of mine. As I faced the audience again, I saw nothing except a saffron hue filling the entire space in front of me – no audience, no cameras, no lights, and no sensation of any kind – just a splendid state of vacuity. I don’t remember my speech then onwards. The sound of whirrs and clicks brought me back to earth, and I saw Beloved Bhagawan standing by my side, holding my hands and pulling me towards the farthest corner of the stage encouraging cameramen to flash their equipment. He marched me to the other end again posing with me for the frenzied photographers and devotees who were visibly ecstatic at this gesture of Divine Grace.
Then Beloved Bhagawan asked Dr. S. Bhagawantham to announce – “the boy who spoke on Buddhism just now was suffering from very high fever measuring 104 degrees. Only by dint of his devotion he could speak and sing so well today”- another round of applause. The Master looked at me flashing a big smile and queried whether the announcement had been made. He asked the learned scientist to make the announcement once again. Applause……I didn’t even have time to ponder over what I had experienced a while ago in the hurry to get ready for our music concert. ‘Our concert ????’ His Concert as usual was a big success because He willed it so. What are we but mere instruments in the Divine Hands of the Master?
My seniors and tutors informed me later that my speech had been a superb blend of my rehearsed speech and added impromptu improvisations that had really taken them by surprise. Even my song at the end of the speech had been flawless and melodious. I vividly remember the moment back on the stage for the devotional concert when I had realized that I had no more fever. All the joint aches and sickness had vanished completely, drowned as I was in a sea of bliss that only HE can bestow.
May 1990
Once again I am in Brindavanam, now known as Trayee Brindavan. As I roamed amidst the Ashoka trees in the foreground of the resplendent Divine Residence, I could not help ruminate over the past glorious days spent here. All of a sudden, the Lord emerged through the doors and signaled the waiting boys to enter the front hall. What followed was a virtual stampede. Mellowed by age and experience I stepped back to a safer distance making way for the zealous youthful aspirants, while the Lord beamed at His children encouraging them. As elders in the fraternity, we were the last to enter the hall. I realized even as I took a back seat that only the physical structures and faces had changed but not our Beloved Bhagawan. As usual, He was crowded on all sides by His boys even as He sat on His Jhoola. They held His Feet and Hands, jostling to get as close to Him as possible. They showed Him their poems, artwork, letters, anything to catch His attention. I was filled with pleasure and awe as His voice echoed across the hall – “Sikkim pagal kidhar hai” meaning where is the madcap from Sikkim? I stood up at once and replied “Bhagawan I am here”. I was too shaken by this unexpected turn of events. He bade me come near Him. The sea of boys parted to give me way to His immediate Presence. As I knelt down for the coveted Paadanamaskaaram, He asked me “Kayeko Itna Door” meaning – why so far? I replied that there was no place in the front to which He asked me pointing at the boy sitting near His Footstool – “Isko aage Jaga Kaise Mila” – how did he get a place in the front? I replied – “Bhagawan he outran everyone and got the place”. He looked at me with pity and said – “Why didn’t you run then?” I was by then grasping the full purport of His practical teaching. In the quest for excellence we cannot afford to lose time in fanciful and wanton acts. The run towards the goal here is not the type of rat race that we see around us everyday for mundane self aggrandizement in which people compete with one another to reach the top rather than focus on self-perfection. The race towards the Lord is a veritable preparation for the journey within for discovering our true identity. As a final seal to this most beautiful experience, Beloved Bhagawan looked at me and said – “The distance between you and me is the distance that you keep from me. You were standing there at the back by your own wont. Now you are here near Me. I have never moved an inch from here since I am the Immovable Principle. Only you have the prerogative to either move nearer or farther from the Truth. Even now you are not positioned directly in front of me. (I realized that I was sitting towards His left due to which He had to turn His neck whenever He addressed me). I hurriedly moved to the front and knelt down before Him. Flashing the most benevolent smile, Beloved Bhagawan told me – “this is the appropriate attitude since I am now reflected in your eyes and you in Mine”. What a thousand lectures could not have explained was driven home in that one instant by the Universal Master in this most inimitable demonstration.
September 1991
I was on a bus last night heading for Prashanti Nilayam from Hyderabad. Seated just behind the driver and whipped by gusts of wind blowing through a broken windshield, I was the very epitome of misery drifting between sleep and wakefulness. Screeching wheels and a thud caused by sudden brake woke me up. The time was around 4 in the morning. Even as I prepared for my morning prayer, the driver along with his seat, wheel and everything else vanished right in front of my eyes. Alarmed and shocked I looked around me to find that there was no one else in the bus. Then the walls and ceiling of the bus vanished. I was all alone wherever I was, on some other transcendental plane though my mind kept reminding me that I was still seated in the bus. Then I saw Him sitting cross-legged on a higher plane exuding a halo of brilliant light while I felt myself on a lower plane. Then He asked me to sing a Bhajan and I sang Bolo Jai Jai Kaar. I could hear myself sing the Bhajan so clearly. Streetlights filtering through the windows of the bus brought me back to earth and I realized that we had reached the bus station at Prashanti Nilayam. The time was around 5.30 in the morning which meant that I had been experiencing this for more than an hour. On reaching home, I quickly got ready and eagerly sat for the morning darshan. During Bhajan that morning Beloved Bhagawan kept looking at me intently. Mentally I prayed to Him that if what I had experienced in the bus was true, He should show me some sign. Then I sang the Bhajan Bolo Jai Jai Kaar. At the third line of the Bhajan Pateeta Paavanaa Hey Ghana Shyaama, He smiled at me and clearly nodded His Head in the affirmative. That was one Bhajan that I sang between sobs and tears of gratitude. All that transpired was just between me and the Lord. This mind boggling experience inspired in me a deeper sense of renunciation goading me to realize the value of nurturing a One-to-One relationship with the Lord.
Where do I start and where do I stop really? Narayan Sharma a senior in Brindavan carefully constructed a huge image of Ganesha for Vinayak Chaturthi and a rat from nowhere promptly got underneath the pedestal and would not come out till the Immersion Day. When Bhagawan returned from Prashanti Nilayam, the first question He asked was “How was my rat?” Oh where and how do I stop? Suffice it to say that we are the most fortunate ones among the human clan to have been chosen by Him as His near and dear ones.
