V Ashwin
2000 Prasanthi Nilayam
I wish I had a simple answer to this question of What He means to me, but the truth is I don’t. Is He a God to me? Yes, but not in a wave-your-hand-and- create-anything-you-want kind of way. Is He a mentor? Definitely, though His words on stage meant far less to me than the way He chose to live life. Is He family? He is, for He stood by me and by all those dear to me as the head of our house, a father or mother with an undying need to protect and nurture, offering unconditional support during trying times. Is He a dear friend? Most certainly, a source of love, advice (including the occasional finger-wag) and deep, fulfilling companionship. The truth is that Swami has meant different things to me at different points of time in my life. As I grew, so did my definition of this person we call Sri Sathya Sai Baba, or more intimately, “Swami”.
As a child, I knew him as a goody-bag of wishes waiting to be fulfilled, an all- year-round Santa Claus. He stood at my altar with an unfailing smile and hand raised in blessing through the gilded frame, and I was taught to go to Him each time I needed a Superman in my life. I never realized that He was around to make Supermen out of us. That lesson was to come much later.
My earliest memories of His school go back to befriending the picture in my altar. I recall Him coming to many of our science exhibitions, being asked to “tell a lie” for a lie-detector, tossing rings over pegs at the ‘Life is a Game’ exhibit, or balancing tenor and bass choir groups during Carol practice. He was the guest of honour at the finals of game tournaments and spoke to us as easily about examination stress or practical fitness as He would thunder about the esoteric Mahavakyas or speak to heads of state about day-to-day administration.
To a 10-year old who once had a picture of Him autographed with the same pen used to sign-off a multi-million project a few minutes earlier, He was a remarkable statement in contrast and undying intent. When a senior functionary raised concerns about the sustainability of the project over the years, He offered to auction Himself on stage to raise funds to provide drinking water to millions. Even my erstwhile school was mortgaged to raise a certain amount. As I watched myself crave to be a tiny spark of that mighty flame that burnt itself away for others, my Friend suddenly turned into my aspiration.
To me, He stands for what is possible with love and purity of purpose. I’ve seen Him bend down to serve the poor as millions waited to serve Him. I’ve watched Him make gutsy declarations on larger-than-life social impact projects with little “planning”, and then seen them rise to life before my eyes in record time. I’ve seen Him put Himself last, be it wading among throngs at Darshan despite His physical form being unwell and in severe pain or skipping His meals for days because He couldn’t see those around Him suffer. I’ve seen Him auction away many gifts of gold that came to Him on His 70th birthday, channelizing that towards a hospital for the poor. On an earlier occasion, I’ve watched Him throw handfuls of gold coins meant for his ‘Paadaabhishekham’ into the crowds that gathered, choosing happiness of others over self-grandeur. I’ve seen Him perform superhuman tasks all the while being encased by a mortal frame.
What does Swami mean to me? He taught me the power of living what you believe in. Call it blasphemy, but I’d love to grow into His image someday. How could I be His child otherwise?
Brother Ashwin Venkateshvaran currently works as Senior Manager, Department of Cardiology, at the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Medical Sciences, Bangalore. He is also a Bhajan singer. He is blessed with a mellifluous voice and rendered bhajans & carols in the divine presence during his college days.