P Satish Kumar
1997 Prasanthi Nilayam

“I will perform the marriage the day after tomorrow”, Swami said. This was in March 1993 in Brindavan. He was speaking to my sister’s to-be mother-in- law. My mother who was sitting next to her was filled with joy and gratitude. Swami had fixed this alliance around 10 months earlier and had kept ‘assuring’ that He would conduct the marriage. He had kept everyone guessing. His uncertainty was perfect. And now He had given us the day! As Swami  moved along, he said, “It is a good day. I will perform the function in the interview room after morning Darshan”.

I was in Parthi, studying in my last semester of the B.Com course. On the eve of the marriage function I rushed to Brindavan the next day, well in time for evening Darshan. We were expecting Swami to call a few people of the marriage party for an interview. I was looking forward to this interview more than the actual marriage function. It was to be the first face-to- face ‘long’ interaction with Swami, after having studied in Swami’s institutions for around 15 years. Since I was completing my degree course, it was also a wonderful opportunity to get some clarity on the future (such as the field of study to pursue).

In the hostel, if Swami was to give an interview to a student for the first time, he would receive advice from seniors who were blessed with such an opportunity before. I too got my share of advice like

(1) if you are wearing a ring, chain, watch or bracelet; remove it in the hostel itself. Swami is more likely to materialize something if you are not wearing it, some classmate said.

(2) When Swami is calling you for an interview with your parents, especially for the first time, He is very likely to reveal somethings about you – things which your parents have no clue whatsoever. When Swami reveals things about you, do not resist or deny. If you do so, then the ‘revelations will continue’ and more secrets will be spilt out. Just cry, hold Swami’s feet and say sorry. Swami will be ‘moved’ by your plight and you can ‘rest’ peacefully.

(3) If you are doing your 3rd year degree and if Swami asks, ‘what you are studying’, then say you are studying in your 3rd year – do not say, ‘final year degree’. Specifically do not use the word ‘final’. That word could indicate your time with Swami is ‘coming to an end’; Swami was not very happy with that phrase of ‘final year’ when a student had used it earlier.

He did call us that day. When Swami asked what I wished to do after 3rd year, I said, “Swami, I have not planned anything. Want to stay with you for some more time”. To this, Swami replied, “Very difficult… very difficult”. My parents too prayed, but Swami told them, “He does not have Bhakti (devotion)”. This was a statement that I never expected. I instantly began thinking that I was getting a good name in hostel and was getting an ‘outstanding’ grade in college – both the areas that made Swami happy – now what is this new interpretation that He  is  trying  to suggest for Bhakti? Swami did not elaborate.

The events that happened in the Institute, over the next few months were so unexpected that if Swami had not blessed, there was no way I could have done a post graduate course in the Institute. I joined the M.Com course – a course that was unexpectedly shifted to Brindavan campus. It turned out to be a double blessing since Swami stayed in Brindavan most of the time for the next two years. The precious Trayee sessions were innumerable.

However, this issue of Bhakti that Swami had pointed out kept ringing in my head and heart every once in a while. I pored over various definitions and interpretations that Swami had  spoken on the topic in various discourses. I also realized that what was enforced in the hostel was duty and discipline – devotion was a personal initiative. “Your life should revolve around Swami”, our warden had said. Swami says that duty and discipline are the banks of a river that need to be strong, devotion was the flow itself. Without the banks, the flow will dissipate and the speed towards the goal will reduce. May be, I felt, this ‘flow’ was not strong enough. However, I never got an answer, not until I finished my education. Not even until recently.

In April 2011,  there  was  a discussion, in Radio Sai, between Prof. G Venkatraman and D r. Narendranath Reddy. The latter had once asked Swami, “How do I know that I have devotion?” I immediately became attentive as I listened to the interview when he recollected the answer. Swami had said, “Neeku theevra parithapamunte, neeku Bhakthi unnattu”. (If you have intense longing for God, then you have devotion.)

These words had finally nailed it. I got what I was looking for. Longing for God is what is needed. To make it easier, Swami has left innumerable sweet memories to help us ponder, digest and nourish. Let us pine for His presence in our life; He will certainly ensure that he will reach our goal.

Brother Satish K is based in Kuwait and works in Finance department of an energy company. He is from the first batch of Ooty school (started 1978) & went on to do his post graduation from Bhagawan’s Institute. During his college days, he was part of the Vedam group, hostel stores & inspired all by maintaining the notice board