Rangarajan Rajamani
2002 Prasanthi Nilayam

It was in April 1997, that I first came to know of Prasanthi Nilayam. I was new to Swami and His circle. I was constantly questioning Swami’s credentials as God after I joined the college. I even got a dream where I was seeing a famous singer along with Swami. I jocularly remarked about this to my more seasoned roommate during my entrance exams. He said, “If Swami comes in dreams, it means something. Maybe you could become a singer”. First of all, I didn’t believe in “human gods”. On top of it, this human god was hinting that I was going to sing!

Fast forward to June 18, 1998, I was singing my first song in Mandir, graciously allowed by Swami. I was just about an average singer. But when everyone, including myself, was just about putting up with my singing, it was only Bhagawan who kept smiling and encouraging me. I managed to somehow scrape through a few songs once in a while and then moved on to a less stressful, less visible harmonium player somewhere down the line, much to my relief. Never once in my entire stay there did He ever complain about my singing. If at all, He alone kept referring to me as, “Singer”.

Now what’s all this self-depreciation about? To Bhagawan, it didn’t matter how good or bad someone was in their outcomes. Their efforts were all that mattered. It gave me a valuable lesson of acceptance in my life. How much Swami accepts us, as we are, rather than hating us for what we can’t be. Our minds play a lot of tricks on us. Throughout my stay there, Bhagawan was trying to teach me only one lesson, which I realized only recently: “Your life is yours. Don’t live for others”.

During my stay there in Puttaparthi, I was so much trying to cater to the external world. I was trying to create and defend a perception – about what others –Bhagawan, parents, classmates, seniors, juniors, teachers thought about me. Every time I did something, I was only worried about, “What would X think about me?” Of course, that didn’t mean He wanted me to displease them. But if only I had tried to please Bhagawan by pleasing people around me, it would have been the right thing. Rather, I realized that Bhagawan was also a part of my “to please” list. But everything else should have been a path to attain Him. Everyone knows that it is ultimately Bhagawan who does things and we are just dolls – but for once, keeping that aside, let us for once assume that we still have some decision making authority given by Swami, subject to a few clauses in His rule book. Of all the opportunities which I feel I grabbed or I missed, I did so only because of my emphasis on outside world and never on Swami within.

In short, my stay with the “physical” Swami continues to be a lesson for me, even in retrospect. I just hope that there was a time machine for me to go back and set a few things straight. But Swami has given those experiences and lessons for us, not to go back and set the past straight, but to reflect, react and resound. I am not painting a glorious picture of my stay with Bhagawan, filled with hyperboles. It is much more beyond what those rhapsodies can convey. To me, the fact is that the Creator of the Universe had taken time to spend on me and teach me these lessons, is by itself overwhelming. Bhagawan to me is not just a God, who is an eternal witness. He is my greatest coach who is an active participant in my life, continuing to show me how to play the game of life.

Brother Rangarajan Rajamani is based out of Chennai and works for an IT firm. During his stay at Prasanthi Nilayam he was a part of bhajan group as a singer & harmonium player. He was also a part of Arts &card room team