“The love in your heart wasn’t put there to stay,
love isn’t love till you give it away”

I came to Puttaparthi in 1998 and joined the Sri Sathya Sai Higher Secondary School as a student of 11^th std. I had a flair for music and used to play the flute; a woodwind instrument not very easy to play. It was a god-given talent and I picked up the instrument by sheer grace without undertaking any coaching. The flute was my companion and I could talk my heart out through it. I developed a deep desire to express my heartfelt gratitude to Sai Krishna through the flute in front of the divine flautist. 

I learnt about the prestigious brass band of the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning which was very dear to Swami. It was in the year 2003 when I joined the Puttaparthi campus for my master’s degree that I finally got the coveted opportunity to join the brass band. As a member of the woodwinds section, I played the clarinet with passion and finesse and my long-awaited moment of playing music in Swami’s presence came on the day of the convocation ceremony of 2003. On the convocation day, the band used to march in front of Swami, escorting him from the Poornachandra auditorium to the Sai Kulwant Hall. On this day Swami would be accompanied by the chief guest for the occasion and other eminent dignitaries. It couldn’t have been more grandiose. Everything was just perfect to make it a memorable day. The dream and the desire of performing and playing music for the Lord had technically come true, but the feeling of contentment was still not there. 

As I went to bed that night I thought as to why wasn’t he satisfied! Then started the tussle between the mind and the heart. My mind told me that I did play in the Divine Presence, but Swami was actually busy with the proceedings of the convocation and may not have even noticed me. After all, every musician wore the same dress and how could Swami hear the clarinet separately when 33 bandsmen played together. The heart tried to convince the mind that it was the purity of thought and the intent of offering the music of the Lord, to the Lord, in the presence of the Lord. Muddled with this conversation of my heart and mind, I slept confused and woke up the next morning with what seemed like an ideal solution. I prayed to Swami for an exclusive opportunity to play music in His presence where he can not go unnoticed and a perfect ending would be an “acknowledgement” from Swami. 

In the summer of 2004, Swami permitted the students for a program to be presented every evening! It was during this period while brainstorming that the idea of playing an instrument in front of Swami occurred. My bandmate and I were to play a duet on clarinet. The program started with His permission and Swami was cherishing each and every presentation. The moment arrived and we stood up to play the clarinets. I played from the depth of my heart expressing my gratitude to the Lord exactly the way I wanted to in November and the Loving Lord also heard with all the attention, exactly the way I had prayed. 

The performance went off well, Swami smiled and we sat down again. Swami signalled to one of the senior students to bring a big case from the interview room. Swami then beckoned me and directed the senior student to open the case. He took out a shining new “french horn” from it. Swami took the instrument, held it, inspected it and then gave it to me! Our eyes exchanged more feelings in that short duration than the words could have ever expressed in long hours. I slept soundly that night with my mind and my heart satiated and silenced.  After obtaining my Master’s, I got selected for the Indian Army and was commissioned as an officer in the infantry and I adorned the uniform with pride. I revered my flute as much as my rifle and carried it everywhere possible. I got together a bunch of motivated volunteers and imparted them basic training in music. The battalion bought the requisite instruments and eventually entrusted upon me the responsibility of forming a band capable of performing during in-house festive occasions. With a practice of actually just two months, this band made their unbelievable debut performance which was well appreciated by the audience. The numbers played included those I have earlier played in His presence. 

I thank you, Swami, a million times, for this boon of music and a million more for this opportunity to share it with others.