Abhimanyu Kaul
1990 Prasanthi Nilayam

I was fortunate to be introduced to the beautiful form of God as Sathya Sai from my childhood. As a child of 12 years, I came to Prasanthi Nilayam for the first time as part of an international Balvikas rally. The place had a mesmerizing effect on me. It was the first time I saw Bhagawan Baba in such close quarters. Running behind His car; squeezing to get the first line for Darshan, offering letters to Him, stealing a Padanamaskar all these were akin to fun and adventure. It is with a quizzical smile that I think back and wonder how He managed to attract a young, dynamic and mischievous boy without even saying a word. I wanted to be with Him. As I observed the students of His institutions, a desire to be one of them was born. In due course, I joined the hallowed portals of the Institute. I knew I was going to be with God – but did I really know?

Those were very beautiful days of initiation. Hostel life was the best period of my life. At the back of our minds was the one object which drove us to do everything – the evening Darshan. Our life wholly revolved around planning for Darshan; how to get to a strategic place; where to sit; how to attract His attention; and pray to get into ‘form’ with Him. We did not realize that we had taken Him for granted. Obviously, He was our personal Swami… He did not expect us to ‘worship’ Him. We just enjoyed being with Him. Life was so wonderful with our most giving and powerful Swami. There was no time or need to think of God. He fulfilled all our wishes.

On those rare occasions when He decided to give us the glimpse of His divinity, we were shocked and speechless. Many times the experience was beyond our capacity of understanding. In those moments He would mercifully change the topic or bring in humour to help us settle down. Watching Him cure a paralyzed person, resurrect a boy from dead, stop the rain from falling, etc. were part of our daily growing experience. Where was the need to look for God? We just wanted our Bhagawan Baba, whom we lovingly called ‘Swami’.

Imagine being with a friend who knows what you want even without telling Him anything. Imagine being in the presence of a person who knows your thoughts, your past thoughts and deeds and continues to guide and help without judging or condemning you. What more could we ask for? We had in our Swami an all-knowing best friend, a great loving teacher; a most powerful guide and protector. Where was the need to understand about God?

Life seemed to be an endless stream of perfection. However, the Master had different plans. He left. The ease and privilege of ‘seeing’ and interacting with Him was removed. The world seemed to have come to an end. I turned to God. How desperately I wanted a God who could bring back my ‘Swami’ to me. I realized that the only thing that was in my control was to pray to Him for Him. Slowly, His presence became increasingly stronger around me and I could again experience His protective hand upon me. It was an emotional experience to acknowledge the Omnipotence, Omniscience and Omnipresence of my Swami – I was forced to rapidly learn many lessons which I had neglected. His response was and is faster than a need could arise. If prayer was communication with God, then I was always in prayer…

It is hard to even conceptualize detachment from His beautiful, charming form. It is funny that I crave to see Him again, but cannot look at His picture. I feel Him all the time, but do not want to accept it without ‘seeing or hearing’ Him. I have always been a tough child, loved being pampered by Him. I cannot get rid of that ‘expectation’ or maybe I do not want to. I guess I still have to learn to see Him without seeing Him through the physical eyes; and to hear Him without hearing Him through these physical ears. I know one thing for certain – my Swami is all capable. When we have Him, there is nothing to worry. He will prepare us and bestow on us the divine gift of His presence.

For me and many like me, God came in the form of Swami… and without our knowledge or any explicit effort, our Swami became our God. We have our Swami – our God – forever.

Brother Abhimanyu is based out of Trinidad, working for a foundation called “Values in Action Foundation”. This foundation has a preschool which runs on the philosophy and principles of Bhagawan, a first of its kind in the Caribbean. He is also Advisor to the Minister of Education, Trinidad & Tobago, on Values & Character Education. A charismatic orator, Abhimanyu was part of the Vedam group during his student days and continues to be involved in many Alumni projects