Taking up music as a profession in a big city like Mumbai comes with its own challenges. Especially, for a newcomer like me during the late 90s. The struggle to make ends meet in the pursuit of one’s dream, without anyone to lend support was a harsh reality in the beginning of my singing career.

Today, as I look back upon the years gone by, I get overwhelmed with gratitude towards Swami for guiding me along the path to make the Living God series and other numerous Bhajan albums. I thank him for leading me to my Guruji, Sri Dayal Thakur, under whom I learnt Indian Classical singing. I deeply thank Him for all the bittersweet experiences that helped me live a full enriching life as a professional musician.

The Living God series was the brainchild of a Sai devotee cum Record label owner, Raviraj Salyankar. The record did very well and was accepted by Prasanthi Nilayam Ashram stores as well. We spent days and nights recording Parthi Bhajans at a studio called Sargam Studios at Khar, Mumbai. The Bhajans were meant to be exactly as sung in Parthi, without added instrumentation, more like a reference for Bhajan learners all over the globe. As for our part, we charged one time fees for music arrangements, instruments like tabla, guitar and basic professional charges, which was relatively moderate, being more of a Sai Seva activity than a business venture.

However, the idea of a Sai Student singing Bhajans commercially was not easily digested by many. One can accept an outsider singing and selling CDs commercially but a Sai Student was expected not to make any money from any affair related to Sai activity. My dilemma was that I was a singer, earning my bread and butter through singing, that too a fledgeling career in my hands, barely surviving on my own in a big city like Mumbai. So the little earnings from Bhajan singing became a huge load of guilt on my conscience.

The years rolled by quickly, and I shifted base to Darjeeling, my hometown and established a small studio there. Occasional visits to Parthi and few unforgettable moments with Swami marked the years from 2002 to 2010. And on January 3 2010, I call it my Judgement Day, a day when Swami gave His final verdict on all those years I spent in Mumbai.

It was evening Bhajan time and Swami asked how many old boys were still there. Some of us stayed back for a few more days after the Alumni meet. We were called to the front and asked to start Bhajans almost abruptly. We ran once again like we used to in our college days and set ourselves in a huge heap right before Swami. Someone thrust a mike in front of me and said you’re next. I said 2 pancham to Brother Sonam on the harmonium and belted out the most “off tune” Bhajan of my life. Probably due to the rush, excitation and the discomfort in being so crowded. As I sang Sai Ke Darbar Mein Aao that evening, I could see the lights turning on inside Kulwant Hall, verily turning it into a Darbar with the Lord sitting in a radiant yellow gown. However, I was acutely aware of my singing being laborious and off pitch, but Swami looked on intently at me. I was afraid He would stop the Bhajan any moment. But since He didn’t I took the 3^rd speed and ended the Bhajan.

After the Bhajan, Swami called me up and once again, “Where are you from”, I blurted out “Darjeeling”.

“Very good” and out came a golden necklace and He placed it over my head.

Thus came the final verdict! Followed by tears of longing…..separation….being found again……

Was I told that I had done well? I don’t know. Because the Living God series was of great help to Sai devotees across the globe. But of course, that was because of Swami’s grace and we had nothing much to do other than recording them.

Was I forgiven? I don’t know. But I know the big burden of guilt I carried for apparently “selling Sai Bhajans” was off loaded in a single act of His benevolence.

But I know one thing; that His Grace is Boundless, and I happened to be in the way of this Great flood of grace that moment. Whether it is Prapthi or Mercy, I don’t know. All I know is Swami’s Love is beyond common logic and mundane arithmetics of paap and punya.

I have continued to sing His glory ever since however, with a more grateful and a lighter heart.

Ajnish Viswa Rai High school Grade 11 & 12, B.Sc, M.Sc Life Sciences in Prasanthi Nilayam. As a Class 11 student, he was blessed by Bhagawan Baba to sing Bhajans in the mandir in Prashanti Nilayam. Presently, runs a recording studio, Matrix Sound Lab in his hometown, as well as a vocal training school assisted by his wife. He volunteers around the world in Satsangs, Bhajan Training Programs and Sai Ghazals.